But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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