I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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