brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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