It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
