I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
