kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
