Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize