He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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