so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
