i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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