I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
