The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
