who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
