My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
