you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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