hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
