idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
