I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
