before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
