This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
