I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
