So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
