What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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