Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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