as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
