I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
she woke up with a sticky ear
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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