and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
