My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
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Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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