I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
