FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
