I wish my penis had an off switch
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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