We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
