I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
