i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
operation have a gay friend backfired
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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