So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
