I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
