So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
