im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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