new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
