I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
