I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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