I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
