I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
this hospital has no fireball
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Randomize
