ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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