didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
