I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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