stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
