yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
