i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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