oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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