maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
