He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
