At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
