the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
