Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
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Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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