I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Let's get the cat blown out
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
