I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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