hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
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Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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