how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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