if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
