I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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