My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
