Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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