make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
