I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
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Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
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You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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