Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
