College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
