i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Randomize
