I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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