Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
your room smells of hookers.
And success
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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