She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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