Ambien. No doubt about it.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
