So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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