i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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